I first met Erin as a consultant on a project about five years ago. Vivacious, full of life and exuding positive energy, is how you would have best described her back then. Fast forward to 2020. Though seemingly on the surface, nothing has changed in her outlook, Erin's body has been ravaged by cancer more than once; and the journey she's been on to beat the odds, speaks volumes of her resilience, determination and literally her 'never say die' spirit.
Says Erin in a rather pensive tone,
"How the hell do I summarise the last two years of my life in a few words …. The highs, the lows, the disbelief, the fear, the anger, the sadness, the absolute terror, and the joy of overcoming something so massive ... I don’t know, but I will give it a shot."
Erin shares some invaluable nuggets from her journey thus far
It all unfolded in 2018 when Erin had just moved from Australia to NZ. Todd (her then fiancé and now husband) and she had decided to take their girls (Saige - 9 and Ruby - 2) back to their home roots. Little did they know that they were about to embark on a journey to hell and back - not once, but twice! Within weeks of being home, Erin found a tiny pea-sized lump in her breast; and a battery of tests later, she was told she had breast cancer. Erin could scarcely believe the words that were uttered to her. Never in all her years did she ever think she would be "one of them – the statistics". Her ignorance of the magnitude of her situation made her believe that she would have surgery - maybe some radiation; and then get back to normal life and off to their planned Fijian wedding.
"It’s hard to explain how messed up this situation is. The information overload, everything happening so quickly that there is literally no time to think from the pressure that is put on you from the doctors. What followed was surgery. I went from not being happy with my boobs, to only having one, and surprisingly I was totally ok with that. What followed was six months of intensive chemo - yes, I rocked the bald look and felt beautiful doing it, 3 weeks of radiation and 8 months on hormone drugs."
Erin continues her account of all the mixed emotions she found herself engulfed in.
"I struggled initially with starting these conventional drugs when I had spent so much time with Dr Google telling me there were other ways. I felt trapped as to what I could do. I knew that if I went down the completely natural path, I would have to be 100% sound in my mind and deep in my heart I knew I wasn’t. I had doubts and I knew there could be no doubt. What it all boiled down to was FEAR. Fear of not understanding, fear of the fact it was all happening so fast, fear that I had no control. I just knew I had to do everything in my power."
As Erin began her conventional treatment, she switched into complete survival mode. "
It is like I was looking in on my life but was not actually a part of it. So hard to explain and even harder to think how I functioned day-to-day with a stressful job, being a mum and just life in general."
"It’s the craziest experience coming out the other side and trying to understand what the f**k just happened. Sadness knowing you will never be the same and life will never be the same. Any time you feel or experience sickness you will wonder if its back ... it’s a complete mind f**k. I likened my time post treatment as having PTSD and trying to unravel the last nine months of my life. It also did not help that the hormone therapy drugs were putting my body at the sweet ripe age of 37 into early menopause, as well as messing with my mind causing depression which I had never dealt with before."
Just when Erin thought it was all behind her, was working hard getting her life back on track and about to take off on her honeymoon, life delivered another cruel blow. Just a week beforehand she found a tiny lump in her abdomen. Erin knew in her gut that it was not right but did not have the time to get it checked. She went on her trip banishing it totally from her mind and says it was
"the absolute best three weeks with my hubby."
Upon her return, Erin had a scan and recalls that she felt bad for her lovely doctor having to deliver the news. The cancer was back and with a vengeance - it had metastasised to her kidneys, lungs, chest, abdomen and back. Whatever she had been told the first time round had nothing on this. She found her repeating in her head,
“What does this mean?”, “Am I going to die?”.
What ensued were some of the hardest conversations in her life, lots of alcohol and the absolute worst hangover of her life!
Almost on cue, as soon as Erin knew the cancer was back, her body started showing symptoms, her breathing became restricted, chest hurt, her head hurt and was getting worse each day. Another scan was booked and another punch in the face - a large tumour on her brain which required urgent surgery. Within a week, Erin had to quit her job and was also having a chunk of her brain removed!
"It was surreal sitting in my oncologist' room, being given the news that I had terminal cancer and possibly 12 months of life left. The cancer was aggressive and there wasn’t anything they could do other than try make me comfortable... Seriously, what the f**k!! In true Erin style, I said F**k that and screw anyone who thinks they can dictate my life and give me a 12-month life sentence. I was 37 years with two babies there was no way I was listening to that."
Erin started researching ‘alternative treatments’ and came across a clinic Hope 4 Cancer in Mexico; and she says she just knew in her heart that she had to get herself there. In the meanwhile, her health started deteriorating - numerous stays in the hospital, urgent radiation on her chest, severe reaction to the palliative chemo they were trying on her. It was during this time that a realisation dawned on Erin that hadn't occurred to her the first time around.
"I realised I have complete control over what happens to me, what I put in my body, what drugs I take, what advise I take and that I wasn’t going to be pressured or bullied into trying something that didn’t feel right."
With that massive shift in mindset, as soon as Erin was able, she went against her Doctors’ advice and was on a plane to Mexico.
"Was I shitting myself?... Absolutely! I was on the other side of the world without insurance and if everything went wrong, I was in trouble,"
Erin spent three weeks at Hope 4 Cancer on an intense daily regime of natural drugs, therapies, and plant-based diet; and months of drug supplies to continue with upon her return home. It was intense and she was sick. She had her lungs drained twice so she could make it home on the plane, but at the same time felt the best she had since her diagnosis.
On arriving home, unfortunately Erin's health began deteriorating very quickly. She was on major pain medications; her lungs were so bad she could not shower without needing to recover and could not walk more than a couple of meters without needing to rest.
"Friends and family thought I was on my death bed," Erin says... "Arriving from overseas to say goodbye. The funny thing is I never once thought I was or would die."
Then one day, just like that - Erin turned a corner. The drugs started working and each day she got a little bit stronger. Within 7 weeks of returning home, she had another scan and much to her Oncologist’s disbelief - both tumours on her brain had completely gone and the tumours on her lungs, chest and kidneys had shrunk dramatically.
Today, Erin is miles ahead of where she was three months ago. The cancer has gone in some places and shrunk dramatically in others; and she is 100% off all pain medication. She has begun running (albeit slowly) and has scaled Mount Maunganui, which was the start to one of her ultimate goals to health. Erin has also built a new career and runs an online business - Erin McD.
"I put this down to a combination of natural and conventional treatments and my mindset. I still have a long way to go but I have no doubt I will get there; I am a walking miracle and I will continue to defy odds."
Erin continues,
“One thing I am truly grateful for is having my family by my side. My hubby Todd has been my absolute rock. I seriously don’t know what I would’ve done without him - he kept me strong, but allowed me to be as vulnerable as I needed to be. He anticipated my emotions and knew when I needed a cuddle and a cry even when I said, “I was fine”. The girls have also been amazing and adapted with all the craziness. They have both become such caring and loving girls. We have been totally transparent with them this entire time and what they could expect (with exception of the lifetime line as they definitely didn’t need that on their mind) ... I didn’t want any surprises for them especially the shock of some of the physical changes I would go through. Lastly all the amazing support from my family and friends in both NZ and Aus.”
There are so many lessons to be learnt from Erin's life-altering journey and she would like to leave everyone out there fighting the same battle (even if it be a mental one) with this message:
"YOU have absolute control even on days when it doesn’t feel like it. YOU have the right to wait until you can determine what is right for you. There is more out there than what the doctors tell you ... they are not God! Your mind is an extremely powerful tool and if you can harness its power and work on this daily, you will be in a much better place than the person who doesn’t. Let go of emotional baggage, as it doesn’t serve you any purpose. Find gratitude in your life no matter how small and finally love respect and love yourself - Erin x"
Here's to complete recovery Erin... YOU'RE ONE HELLUVA SUPERSHEILA!
You can follow Erin’s battle against Stage 4 cancer @ ez_mcd (Instagram) and Erin U McDonnell (Facebook)
Enjoying the simple pleasures of a family challenge during these trying times!
コメント