In 2008, Caroline Peter's world came crashing down, when her husband of 16 years, Muthukumaran, succumbed to cancer. In a flash, her life as she knew it had changed forever, and there was no turning back the clock. How she supported him in his fight against the all-consuming disease, overcame the life-altering event when he passed away, and re-invented herself, screams 'SuperSheila' with every fibre of her being!
It all began when Muthu experienced urinal bleeding in Aug 2007. While they both were bracing themselves for some bad news, nothing could have prepared them for the diagnosis that was delivered following several tests. Muthu had a large tumour on his right kidney.
Caroline strikes a pretty pose with Muthu, in happier times!
We'd been married for about 15 years at that time and I was undergoing infertility treatment. So, there we were, hoping to start a family soon, and suddenly we find out that Muthu had a large tumour on his right kidney. The Doctors advised us that there was no choice, but to undergo surgery immediately and have the whole kidney removed.
The Nephrectomy was carried out two weeks later. Muthu was recovering well from the surgery, and they thought the worst was behind them. However, life was about to drop another bombshell on the unsuspecting couple. The pathology report for the biopsy tests were in. Muthu had a rare type of cancer that only affected 1 in a million - Synovial soft tissue Sarcoma of the right kidney.
I cannot even begin to fathom how devastating that news must've been to Caroline. In the span of less than a month, she had gone from setting the stage for new beginnings, to facing a situation that threatened to snuff out her beloved husband's life. She recalls how surreal it all felt.
Muthu had always been larger than life to me. He was the love of my life. Such a loving, caring and giving man; and above all ever so positive and upbeat. I could not believe this was happening to him. We asked for a second opinion, to rule out any chance of a misdiagnosis. However, our worst fears were confirmed.
And so, began Caroline's epic journey towards supporting her husband to fight the cancer that was consuming his body. She knew that her husband needed her like never before; and she wasn't going to give in to the weakness and defeat that threatened to overwhelm her. Instead, she concentrated her efforts on researching Muthu's condition, the support and care he required; and the course of medical treatment.
What followed was a whole series of Chemotherapy sessions, countless overnight stays at the hospital and watching helplessly, as Muthu often suffered serious side-effects from the treatment. However, Muthu never for once doubted that he would beat the cancer.
At times when I broke down crying at the pain he was undergoing, he would comfort me and pass on his positive vibes to me. He would often tell his friends and family that he would overcome it.
Muthu had completed 24 Chemo sessions until his veins had burnt out. He had a Chemo port implant to continue treatment. They were hopeful that all those sessions were having a positive effect on the inside. And then came the biggest blow. Their Oncologist told them that the cancer had continued to spread relentlessly. The tumours had grown aggressively from Muthu’s lower abdomen to back of his body.
Caroline chokes as she narrates the incident.
Muthu's first question was one of immense frustration. He asked the Doctor, “How long have I got to live?”. We’d put all our faith in our Oncologist and to hear him say that there was no hope was more than we could digest. My heart burst with sadness and the tears just flowed uncontrollably. My brother-in-law tried his best to offer support, but in vain. I could not believe this was happening to us. We were young and supposed to have our whole lives ahead of us. Muthu was 43 when diagnosed and I was 39.
On 3rd Aug 2008, Muthu passed away peacefully – just 23 days shy of completing a year from his initial diagnosis. The months after Muthu's passing are all a blur in Caroline's mind. Besides dealing with the trauma of her loss, she had to take charge of his legal firm, to keep things afloat. The business had suffered over the past year and there was a lot of backlog to be attended to. Caroline relays how even seeing his golfing kit would reduce her to tears recollecting the hole-in-ones he'd scored as an avid golfer.
Just when she felt like she could not go on, the turning point came.
Pictured to the top left is Caroline with her parents and siblings who played a big part in supporting her through her traumatic times.
My best friend presented me with the book, 'Tough Times Never Last, But Tough People Do' by Dr Robert H Schuller! It opened my eyes to seeking solutions to my problems rather than wallowing in sorrow and mourning. I realised then that my true strength was within. While I had a very supportive family and equally helpful friends, I decided to take charge of my life, and work towards overcoming my fears and apprehensions at facing this world all by myself.
It was then that Caroline says her husband's parting words came to mind.
Muthu said, “Do not grieve when I’m gone. Please continue to lead your life.” Even to his last days, he was consumed with thoughts of my wellbeing after he was gone. In hindsight, I think it were these last moments spent with my loving husband that made me realise that I needed to continue living, as Muthu would have wanted me to.
With this new resolve, Caroline worked towards getting her life back on track. With the help of a colleague, she took on oversight of the firm in addition to her job. In 2011, 3 years after she had kept it running successfully, she walked away from it, as she wanted to focus on her job full time
The years that followed saw her take to her interests with a vengeance - hiking and travelling, in particular. Caroline had emerged from her sheltered cocoon to become a strong and independent woman. She says that it is this positive mindset that helped her get through other health challenges that came her way in the coming years. This included a shoulder dislocation requiring intensive physiotherapy for 3 months in February 2017; and a total Hysterectomy in July 2018.
And then when she least expected it, cupid struck again!
After Muthu passed away, I did not want to indulge in another relationship. In 2014, my brother in-law Charles, who is married to my sister Maggie, introduced me to his childhood friend, Vijay Reddy. We said our brief hellos and went about our lives. However, in 2018, exactly 10 years after I had lost Muthu, life gave me a second chance at love. Vijay and I went out for our first "date" and connected straight away. Vijay is a cancer survivor and we had so much in common to share. We had both been through the ordeal of fighting cancer. I told him of my husband's battle with cancer, and Vijay told me of his own.
Cupid strikes again - Caroline with her partner Vijay. Also pictured is Vijay's beautiful daughter from his previous marriage.
While this story is about Caroline, I cannot help but digress to reflect briefly on Vijay's own health scare. And how I know about his story is because he is my awesome cousin! Vijay was diagnosed with Colorectal cancer when he had just turned 57 in July 2015; and had to undergo major surgery.
Following that, Vijay had some complications and had to undergo another surgery to insert a stent. After his surgery, he carried a stoma bag until September 2016. I shudder to think of how nerve-wracking the whole experience must've been. An experience no doubt that has made him the stoic man he is today; and also, more appreciative of what Caroline has been through herself; and vice-versa. A shared experience that has forged the love that they now share. Vijay has been in remission for 5 years now; much to the relief and happiness of our families and myself, of course.
So back to where I was before the minor, but important detour.
Vijay has brought new meaning to my life. We love each other deeply and take special interest in living a healthy lifestyle; especially after what we have gone through in the past. Vijay and I have a lot of common interests - like hiking and trekking. Football is probably the only point of contention for us - with him being a Man United fan and me Liverpool - rivals but in a loving way.
She says with a laugh and continues...
Vijay is so easy-going. He is a man of simplicity and an absolute 'no-nonsense' kind of person. He loves surprises and surprised me by coming over to Perth, where I was visiting my sister, for my 50th. I am really looking forward to a whole new challenge of growing old together with this amazing man, and enjoying the journey ahead together.
Caroline and Vijay are currently in a long-distance relationship, as she lives in the Southern state of Peninsular Malaysia, while he lives in Kuala Lumpur about 350 km away. COVID-19 gave the couple a good 2 months together during the lockdown; and they are now working towards bridging that physical distance, as they remain connected virtually.
Doing what makes her feel alive and great!
I have never met Caroline in person, but her strength of character, calm resolve and lively personality, shines through even virtually. She now actively draws from her own personal experiences and strives to empower other women. Her mantra in life over the last 10 years she says, has been multi-fold,
My biggest learning has been not to resign yourself to fear and weakness. You've got to focus on being yourself, because that is the one thing you are guaranteed to get better at. None of us are going to get out of this life alive anyway, so why not live it to its full; and do it with some humour and laughter, when life gets you down. You've got to learn to ride the challenges.
So, if there's one message from Caroline's story that comes through loud and clear for me, it is the Nora Ephron quote, "Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." May we, like Caroline (and Vijay, of course), learn to tap into that unknown inner strength within each of us, and take on the curve-balls that life throws at us.
CAROLINE 'SUPERSHEILA' PETER - RIDE ON, YOU GUTSY GAL!
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